According to a current news story, Dita Von Teese, the wife of cosmetically-challenged shock-rock musician, Marilyn Manson, has filed for a divorce from her Satanic spouse.

Although there are many who believe Manson will be shocked by Dita’s divorce filing, I’m sure he’s known about it much earlier — no doubt through his use of the Marilyn Manson Tarot deck.

Dita told friends that she couldn’t get in touch with him, and he wouldn’t even make an effort to communicate with her. To get his attention she decided to slap him with divorce papers while he was busy recording tracks for his latest album, hoping he would finally notice her. Of course, if she had really wanted to talk to him, all she had to do was use a Ouija Board, silly girl!

Anyway, Manson was reportedly served with legal papers on January 5th, (his 38th birthday), although rumor has it that Dita filed them closer to Christmas, yet another reason for Manson to be pissed off at Jesus! LOL (Call me old-fashioned, but methinks after marrying a Pagan like MM, it would have made more sense to file the papers on the Winter Solstice!)

Sources close to the soon-to-be, former Mrs. MM, stated that she had cited “irreconcilable differences” as the cause of the couple’s sudden break-up — but just what does that mean to someone who willingly marries an avowed, hard-core Satanist? We can only wonder about a guy who can ignore a hottie like Ms. Von Teese. Yet, she steadfastly maintains that Manson had become unresponsive during their short-lived marriage.

Dita has stated to friends that, “She loved him so much, but he has too many demons.” Uh, yeah. Dita, that’s pretty much what Satanists enjoy — having lots of “demons”. Duh. Dita also alleges that Manson had been drinking heavily for the past year. Again, this is supposed to come as a surprise?

Let me see if I have the facts straight: Girl marries a well-known Satanist; becomes shocked that he has horrible vices; is bewildered by her husband’s “demons”. Hmm. I’m starting to think the only person here who has a problem is Dita. Wake up girlfriend! It’s not like you didn’t see any “signs” that trouble might lie ahead for your marriage. Still, I’m sorry to see the anyone suffer through a break-up, but all things considered these two probably won’t be lonely for too long.

I think the biggest concern now will be who gets custody of the couple’s “children” — their two cats Lily and Aleister (named after the Great Beast 666), and their two dogs, Greta and Eva (named after the popular “Housewives” star, no doubt).

Below is a list of what I think went wrong with the Mansons’ “marriage made in Hell”. I hope that it helps others from making the same mistakes that befell our tragic Lovers.

How to Avoid a Marriage Made in Hell

1) Don’t marry a Satanist and then complain they have “demons”.

2) Don’t wear a purple wedding gown;

3) Don’t let a cult film director perform the ceremony;

4) Don’t get married in a haunted castle; (link )

5) Don’t get married during a Waning Moon.

6) Don’t get married while the Planet Mercury is retrograde — especially TWICE!

7) Don’t get married to someone who wears more make-up than you do.

8) Don’t get married to someone who names a pet after the Great Beast of Revelations. Especially, when the pet is a small dachsund.

9) Don’t get married to someone who collects the art of a serial rapist/murder.

10) Oh, yeah, and don’t get married to anyone named Marilyn Manson.