Venus in Sagittarius: Giddy-Up!

November 18th, 2006 by Voxx

Today at 00:02 am, PST (3:02 am, EST), Venus, the Planet of Love, moved into the fun-loving sign of Sagittarius where it will enjoy a nice romp in the hay until until December 11th, 2006. It’s Sexy Time! Find out all the naughty things you need to be doing right now!

Venus just loves Big Papa Jove, the original big spender. Sagittarius lends Lady Venus a sense of psycho-sexual/spiritual release, combined with a much-needed element of fun and excitement that comes just in time (pun not intended).

To hell with keeping all that angst bottled up inside! It’s time to get down and dirty with honesty. Besides, it’s your life isn’t it? Whatever you do, no matter who you get the hots for right about now, just do a quickie Vegas Wedding, and try to make sure the ceremony isn’t legal. After all, you don’t wanna wake up in a month (after Venus has moved into sober Capricorn), and find out you forgot to sign a Pre-Nup!

Skip the novels this month while you can live a life worthy of being ghost-written by Jackie Collins. Since Sagittarius rules the 9th House of Higher Education, Foreign Travel, Publishing and Spirituality, here is a handy list of things to do while Venus spins deliriously thru Sagittarius:

* Join the Mile-High Club;

* Skip the headlines, and go straight for the Comics;

* Pitch a tent in the desert and go native (don’t forget your herbs)!

* Watch all the Mitch Hedberg videos on YouTube;

* Go commit a few interesting sins and get saved at the last minute;

* Move to Kazakhstan and chill with some of Borat’s relatives;

* Send some sexy e-mails to Stephen Hawkings (it’s cool, he’s about to get a divorce anyway!)

* Volunteer to be a nude model for a community college Art Class.

In other words … let’s get this party started! WahWahWeeWah!

Posted in Astrology, Sexuality | No Comments »


Get Thee Behind Me, Venus in Scorpio!

November 18th, 2006 by Voxx

Gone are the intense, mind/sex games many of you have experienced while Venus was playing the bitch in Scorpio (the sign of its detriment), since October 24th.

Even the most hard-headed skeptics of Astrology will have to agree that Venus’ stay in “evil-spawn” Scorpio has made for some pretty nasty breakups and sex scandals lately. Here’s the current list of Venus in Scorpio Meltdowns

The Venus in Scorpio Casualty List

1) Whitney & Bobby: The Not-So-Greatest-Love of All!

It all seemed to start with the much-awaited sound of Whitney Houston’s Jimmy Choo heels kicking Bobby Brown to the curb once and for all.

2) Reese & Ryan: D-I-V-O-R-C-E!

Then it all went South when Miss Reese’s fell to pieces after checking Ryan’s Batphone and finding it full of sexy messages that weren’t addressed to “Ms. Oscar-Winning Actress”. Guess Ryan never learned to Walk the Line. Maybe Reese will decide to play Tammy Wynette in a run for Oscar Number 2!

3) Splitney & Fed-Ex: Bet she’d like to hit him one more time!

Don’t you think it’s weird that Splitney’s biggest hits had such prophetic titles? For instance …

* “Hit Me Baby (One More Time)”
* “Oops, I Did It Again!”
* “I’m a Slave 4 U”
* “Toxic” (this is her last hit before hookin’ up with the Postman).

I’m just sayin’! Anyway, for all of you out there who are new to the study of Astrology, maybe you’ll realize it’s not just coincidence.

Remember to come back and see what I have to say about Splitney and Fed-Ex’s upcoming “Divorce Spectacular!” Of course, we really do hope the kids involved in all of these scandals will be okay.

Hey celebrities! Why don’t you give me a call before you get married next time?!

Posted in Astrology, Celebrities, Sexuality | No Comments »

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